We weren’t going to go on a honeymoon. The short ribs and bacon-wrapped pretzels ate up all the money in the budget. I begged for a small ceremony at the courthouse and a party with pale ale and finger foods. What I got was a garden in the mountains and a sit down spread. I would have been fine stopping things right there. In my old age, I have grown simple, especially when it comes to the things we are “supposed to do.”

We almost missed the boat. It was the day after Christmas and the curry goat and rice was like an anvil in my belly. I only got up because the twins were screaming at the top of their lungs. That is the only way they communicate. I envy them. No one questions it. They are allowed to just be.

After taking the obligatory picture, and putting on a band that would ensure I had access to all the cheap liquor I could manage, I stood on the upper deck and watched the water swallow us. I thought about all the bones down there, under the sand, shining among the pearls and the angler fish way down in the bowls of the beast, living. With their own personal lamps. So lucky. They have absolutely no problem reading at night. The only thing cooler than an angler fish is a human baby, or maybe a zebra.

 

What comprises home?

Is it where you are born?

Does it live in you?

 

I got drunk. When I woke up, I was in The Bahamas. Sun. Blinding sun. We were going to be there all day. I was so excited. I was born on this very island. My father held me in his arms here. He drove me around to stop me from crying. I saw the hospital I was born in. I ran out, took a picture right in front of the sign. And I felt nothing. The familiarity of the smell didn’t hasten my breath. My face didn’t break away from me and smile at all the people. I didn’t want to throw myself into the sea or sink my toes into the earth, or maybe even take a bite. It wasn’t my place.

At a local bar, I ordered some rum. The bartender asked me where I was from. I said, “Where do you think?” He said, “You talk like an American, but you are so brown and different. You look like us. You have to be from here.” I was stunned. I said, “Yes, I am, how did you know?” He shrugged and smiled and left me standing there, with a handful of home slipping through my fingers.